Subject: Disorder in court

Had this sent to me a few years ago

Subject: Disorder in court....

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court.These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place .... Enjoy

Q: What is your birthday?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.